Fathers, Daughters & Tortured Poets

This is what we talk about when we talk about love.

I’m in the home stretch of a reread of the Song of Ice & Fire series (better known as the Game of Thrones books), part of an ongoing two-person book club with my 20-year old son Max wherein whenever he tells me that he’s started a book I read it as well so that we can discuss it. The George RR Martin series clocks in at over 5,000 pages total, which is a rather large commitment. So when the opportunity to have a similar bonding experience with my daughter Soleil required only two hours and two minutes, it seemed almost too easy.

[9yo Soleil Miller attending her first Taylor Swift concert]

Soleil and I do this for every Taylor Swift album. I mean, I do it — she’d be listening regardless. But I make a point to listen on album drop night at midnight so that the next morning we can do a thorough song by song debriefing.

I like the line in the chorus of “How Did It End” where TS sings “We’ll tell no one/except all our friends.” Also the husbands/trust him/cousins rhyme triplet is such a great example of the classic T. Swift slant rhyme.

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My daughter’s faves "Down Bad” and “loml” were on my shortlist as well. “Down Bad” occupies the vaunted four slot in the sequence, usually reserved for “the big hit,” and has the kind of drum sequence that drives so many of TS’s latter day hits. Also there’s some nice psychedelic background stuff happening that sounds great on headphones, which is the only way I’m gonna be able to listen to Taylor Swift on the Old 97’s tour bus. I restrained myself from making any jokes about TS’s potty mouth like I used to do when my daughter was younger, but Tay-Tay drops like 20 F-bombs in this one, and I’m here for it!

T. Swift’s ability to turn autobiography into pop music is its own sort of alchemy. She leans into the games of deduction and speculation played by fans and media alike. She didn’t invent the post-TMZ world we live in, she just turned it into a song machine.

The early vs late Taylor Swift catalog question comes up a lot. Soleil and I agree that both of the main eras have their high points, and both are great depending on time, place and mood. For me, it’s always gonna be a different kind of listening, as it’s entirely filtered through my relationship with Soleil. Whenever I hear “Fifteen” from Fearless or “Never Grow Up” from Speak Now, I can’t hold back the tears. This is part and parcel of being Soleil’s dad, so really it’s her fault that I’m such a sap whenever those songs come on, but oh man she roasts me mercilessly. God forbid her friends are in the car. Of course, as with all the ribbing that I take from her (and her older brother Max), I secretly crave it. It’s a love language that I really only share with my kids.

I like the whole album fs (for sure) as well. In and of itself, ie as an album, but more as a bridge to my daughter’s heart. A 1981 collection of short stories by Raymond Carver bears the title What We Talk About When We Talk About Love (a title I later turned into a song), and that’s what this is. Soleil will be 18 next week, an adult in the eyes of the law, and will matriculate to a prestigious university in a big city a few months after that. Her absence in my day to day life will leave a hole in my heart (I’m already/still dealing with her brother’s recent flight from the nest), but I know it’s the way of life. There will be some morning in the near future when I find myself in an empty house, and I put on “You Belong With Me,” a song I taught Soleil how to play on guitar when she was 12, and nobody will be there to make fun of the tears running down my cheeks. Perhaps the thought will cross my mind, who’s the tortured poet now?

yrs,

Rhett

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P.S. (Soleil gave me permission to use her name, likeness and photos. She’s cool like that. I’ve very intentionally kept her out of my feeds during her childhood but she’ll be 18 in a few days, so here we go I guess…)